my dog ate it!
I used to think that "my dog ate it" was just a lame excuse that kids give to their teachers when they forget to do their homework. During my school years, I probably heard that excuse given four or five times, and I must admit...I was skeptical.
Well, it seems I owe an appology to every dog owner whose veracity I've questioned when using this excuse. Oh sure, I know some people have misused this alibi to avoid punishment, but maybe, just maybe, they were telling the truth.
I woke up this morning and began to get ready for my day. My wallet wasn't in yesterdays pants pocket laying on the floor...where I ALWAYS put it. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah...I left it on the kitchen table." Stumbling out to the kitchen (I'm not a morning person), I did a quick scan of the table. No wallet. "hmmm, I must've left it somewhere else."
I happened to look outside our sliding glass door and found Fiona, laying by the basketball hoop, surrounded by, what looked like, a Garage Sale. At closer inspection, I discovered her laying on the ground happily gnawing on, what used to be, my wallet! Credit cards, video store ID, business cards, gift cards, receipts, driver's license, Starbucks cards, Subway and PapaMurphy's Pizza punch cards, my "Medic First Aid training program Wallet Skill Guide", and more all spread out over the back part of our yard! Bad dog!
I gathered my belongings into a pile and shot off a quick email to my wife, something about her "owing" me a new wallet. Afterall, she left the dog out in the house when she left at the crack o' dawn. Of course, she shot back an email saying, "Did I-I-I leave YOUR wallet out?!?" Touché, my love, touché.
This was the second day in a row that our sweet innocent little white devil had eaten something other than her Premium Dog Food. Yesterday, she ate my sample contacts that I was supposed to wear to get fitted. I understand her chewing on leather, but how appealing could plastic be?
Apperantly, mighty appealing. This has prompted me to reminisce about the other things she's consumed in the past year. The following is a partial list:
My Cell phone (mmm...yummy)
Two lamp cords (our living room is now lit by candles)
My new cellphone case (and ALMOST my new cell phone)
A television remote (again with the plastic!)
Pens and pencils (too many to number)
Underwear (again, too many to number)
Rocks (no, I'm not kidding)
Shoes (she seems particular to Nike brand)
A pair of glasses (they were plastic, of course)
Her own...well, you know (what's up with that? Sick!)
Pippin's...well, you know (I guess you need variety)
That's just a partial list!
So next time you hear someone use the excuse, "My dog ate it!" don't be quick to judge them. Feel their pain. Put your arm around them and say, "It could've been worse. At least it's not your wallet!"
Do you think the grocery store clerk will look at me funny when I pull my debit card out of a small paper bag?
"Sorry, I don't have a wallet. My dog ate it."
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